How to have good conversations about things that matter

Climate change, tax, gender equality, trans rights, multiculturalism.... No matter the issues you’re passionate about, you’re bound to get into some challenging conversations.

 Back in 1994, within the first 20 minutes of meeting each other, my now-husband and I had an argument about abortion. I’ll admit that wasn’t our most constructive conversation ever.

Since then I have learnt a lot about good conversations, through my PhD on climate change community engagement, doorknocking in my hometown of Meanjin/Brisbane, running focus groups on contentious topics, and learning from folks like Marshall Ganz, George Marshall, and John and Julie Gottman. 

 Here’s what I came to realise:

People might not remember the details of what you say,

but they will remember how you made them feel

and this comes back to connection, and of course, values. 

In our Conversations workshop, we delve into the following seven tips in detail and put them into practice, step by step:

1. Connect

Connecting as human beings is always the first step. This involves sharing a bit about who you are and why you care. It also involves finding some common ground early in the conversation, beyond ‘the issue’. 

2. Listen to understand

Listen to understand, instead of listening to respond or rebut – which is easier said than done! Validate what you’ve heard by saying things like “So you feel X about this, and that’s because of Y”. 

3. Know yourself, hold your views

This requires some time pre-conversation, reflecting on your own values, views and triggers, and what you are and aren’t comfortable sharing in conversation. Knowing yourself and holding your views will give you the confidence to validate what you’ve heard (tip 2), even when you strongly disagree. 

Use “I” statements:

·       Rather than: climate change is X, means you need to do X

·       “I” statements: I’ve observed X, I’ve heard many scientists say X and that makes total sense to me, I’ve decided to do X, our local group does X – want to join us? 

4. Be positive

Pair problems with action and hope. People need to see how they can make a difference. Invite people to take action in whichever ways work for them – ideally including friends, food and fun.

5. Be safe

This includes very practical measures, like going in pairs when doorknocking. It also includes psychological safety, including knowing your triggers and boundaries. When you disagree, “get curious, not furious”.

6. Know when to walk away

If someone is steadfastly oppositional and getting defensive or aggressive, it’s time to wrap up. You can choose to close the door to future conversations (e.g. “we’ll need to agree to disagree, thanks for your time”), or keep it ajar (“I’m here if you want to chat some other time”).

7. Prepare 

You can make conversations easier by reflecting on the above before launching in (especially tip 3), developing a rough conversation plan, and practising it in role play with a friend or colleague.  

Find out more and practise applying the tips at our next Conversations workshop in August 2026.